Do You Understand Your Lover?

This sounds a different kind of title – Do You Understand your Lover? Doesn’t everybody do? Sadly not many of us understand our partners fully. If we had understood our lovers, the rates of separations and divorces would have gone down substantially instead of increasing. You may ask- if I don’t understand my love than how are we so good partners? Why he/she enjoys me? Why are we together? Let me talk about these.

What does it mean by understanding? It is again a difficult question. Knowing about likes and dislikes does not mean understanding. To understand means to know the values, the life goals and the priorities of a person. To understand means to know what incidences made what impacts on that person. To understand means – you will be able to predict the reaction of your partner at a crucial moment. Can you do that with surety?


In the beginning of our relationship, we all talk about good things of life. Our focus is more to please our partner. Our focus is to get more pleasure in their company. we never think about the underlying psychological motivators at that time. After the relationship develop little further, we find that many times we get baffled by what our partner says and vice-versa. That side of his/her character we never knew. If this is something, we can accept easily, we will forget about it, or fissures will develop at this juncture.

Not many partners are totally honest with each other about their deepest thoughts, desires and fears. If I fear that you may one day leave me, because I doubt your long term loyalty, will I ever tell you about that fear? Such hidden thoughts create a wall between the partners that can be never crossed. Only few manage to break it. Once you do that and tell everything about yourself and your thoughts and get to know everything about your partner, the relationship will grow stronger. These kinds of relationships were common in the earlier days but are rare now.